Hayden Panettiere’s Heartbreaking Announcement: ‘I Was In A Cycle of Self-Destruction’

Hayden Panettiere is bravely opening up about her struggles with opioids and alcohol addiction for the first time in a new interview with People Magazine. For the publication’s latest issue, the Heroes actress, 32, revealed that her career highs (like starring roles on popular shows and productions like Nashville) were deeply darkened by substance dependency, and this almost took her life.

Along with her battle with addiction, Panettiere also recalled suffering from postpartum depression in 2015, after giving birth to her now 7-year-old daughter Kaya, who she shares with her ex-partner, Ukranian former boxer, Wladimir Klitschko. “I was on top of the world and I ruined it,” she told People. “I’d think I hit rock bottom, but then there’s that trap door that opens.”

In the past year, however, Panettiere explained that she prioritized becoming sober and underwent both trauma therapy and inpatient treatment. “I put a lot of work into myself and I had to be willing to be incredibly honest,” she said. “This hasn’t been easy and there were a lot of ups and downs. But I don’t regret even the ugliest things that have happened to me. I feel incredibly accomplished. And I feel like I have a second chance.”

The Remember the Titans alum told the publication that her tumultuous relationship with drugs and alcohol began when she was 15 years old. Someone on her team, she explained, started encouraging her to take what they dubbed “happy pills” before she was supposed to walk a red carpet. She confessed, “They were to make me peppy during interviews. I had no idea that this was not an appropriate thing, or what door that would open for me when it came to my addiction.”

Soon after, she added, Panettiere was taking more drugs and consuming more alcohol as her career began taking off immensely. “My saving grace is that I couldn’t be messy while on set and working,” Panettiere said. “But things kept getting out of control [off set]. And as I got older, the drugs and alcohol became something I almost couldn’t live without.” Panettiere said that her life really took a darker turn in 2014 after the birth of her daughter. During this time, she remembered,“Those were really tough years.” The Scream 4 star noted that this time was especially difficult since many of her Nashville character’s storylines centered around alcoholism and “hit close to home.”

While Panettiere said that she did seek treatment for her postpartum depression at the time, her reliance on alcohol became worse and worse. She didn’t drink during her pregnancy, but said that she started doing so once again just after her daughter was born. “I never had the feeling that I wanted to harm my child, but I didn’t want to spend any time with her. There was just this gray color in my life.” Panettiere revealed that she started sneaking away from her family to drink, and this affected her relationship with Klitschko. “He didn’t want to be around me,” she said. “I didn’t want to be around me. But with the opiates and alcohol I was doing anything to make me feel happy for a moment. Then I’d feel worse than I did before. I was in a cycle of self-destruction.”

At her very worst moments and rock bottom point of her addiction, Panettiere recollected, “I would have the shakes when I woke up and could only function with sipping alcohol.” In 2018, she said that she made a difficult decision, and sent her daughter to live with her father in Ukraine. This, she noted, allowed her to focus on becoming sober and surrounding her daughter with healthy influences. “It was the hardest thing I ever had to do,” she said, “But I wanted to be a good mom to her—and sometimes that means letting them go.”

After suffering from jaundice, Panettiere remembered, “Doctors told me my liver was going to give out. I was no longer a 20-year-old who could just bounce right back.” This hospital stay, she said, was a turning point. It inspired her to enter rehab for 8 months, which she said helped her “get over the hump” of addiction. “It’s an everyday choice, and I’m checking in with myself all the time,” Panettiere concluded, “But I’m just so grateful to be part of this world again, and I will never take it for granted again.”